Vulture Crash #2

Vulture Crash: Culture Out of Context

 

Exhibit 1: folca

“A place for everything, and everything in its place.” If you were working on the tag line for a hip new organizational product, that’s probably where you’d start conceptually, and then you’d move out from there into cooler, more current territory. Well, the good folks at folca must have burned out and brainstormed themselves into oblivion, because they came up with this bell-ringer: “If it always has folca an important thing will not forget.” So why did I buy it?

First of all, who’s running their ad team, Buffalo Bill? “It rubs the folca on its skin or else it gets the hose again.” Second, the folca slogan is just one syllable away from being a haiku (unless you pronounce the period as “dot,” in which case you’re there). I tried to make it work, but folca isn’t Japanese, so I guess I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.

Finally, I’m a big fan of fractured English, which never fails to enthrall me. This product was made in China, home to plenty of English-speakers, and you might suppose that the manufacturers would consult one of them before letting folca hit the shelves. But your girlfriend didn’t consult any Chinese-speakers before she got the awesome tramp stamp that supposedly says “Precious” in Mandarin, did she? Didn’t think so.

So what is folca, exactly? Well, judging from the four-sided, clam-shaped hang-tag, it’s a place to keep things, including the following manufacturer’s suggestions: paper clips, memory cards, beads, nuts and bolts, jewelry, pills, fish hooks, and (pictured inside the tag) Band-Aids or small slips of paper with Chinese on them. Coincidentally, those are all the things I was planning to put in there anyway, which really works out well for me.

All jokes aside (well, not really), folca is pretty top-notch as far as compact storage devices go. Did I mention that it opens up like a goddamn Transformer? That shit is straight banana milk, son.

Are you counting the compartments on this piece? Eight!! C’mon, now. For $2.99, that’s a lot of trunk space. And you know this. I can only imagine what I would have thought if I had found folca as a kid, when I was fascinated by storing things inside other things (what is it with little kids and hidey holes?)…my head probably would have exploded.

I reckon the same fate met the collective heads of the folca advertising department when they came up with those winning words to print on the sleek, early-iPod-esque package (also available in non-iPod-esque clear-with-purple-highlights). Well, whatever it means, it worked on me. I paid three American dollars for the privilege of finding out what the fuck they were talking about, and it was well worth it. Because now, I always have folca. Therefore, an important thing will not forget. And it’s as simple as that.

Reporting live from the field,

GG

Category: Creative Non-Fiction and Non-Creative Fiction, Grip Life, Vulture Crash

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One Response

  1. Correy says:

    These Vulture Crash posts are good stuff, man.

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